Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
