that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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