If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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