you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
