So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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