I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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