apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
zippers are such a cool invention
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
