how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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