yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
