he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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