our cab driver is having phone sex.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
