I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
