I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
