her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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