I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
