Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
