Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i believe in u and ur pee
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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