Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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