Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
