wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
