In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
