She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Shame - the story of my life.
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