I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
