Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just forgot I was standing up.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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