I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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