He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
