drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
