Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
