What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
