One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
