It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
