my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ttyl tear gas
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
