Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
