sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
