so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
