he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
