ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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