And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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