My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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