Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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