wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
