this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
