Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
