my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
