Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
