dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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