Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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