All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
