I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
