I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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