Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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