that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
